The big ranchers don't like Sheriff Abad-Guy of Damnedascus having heard thru their grapevine that many citizens from the local town, many of whom were Uncle Sam's cousins, were massacred by the Sheriff!
Uncle Sam, as he is known to his minions, is the biggest baddest rancher in town and is in the saloon talking to a gathering of a handful of other large ranchers (i.e. Frank Holland, Dave Porker and Angle Merger etc) and their assembled many many gun-slinging cowboys (e.g. Pierre, Tommy and Fritz etc etc)! Mr Sam Texasowner thinks to himself "I sure as hell aint talking to no thieving farmers union boss who sometimes has the cheek to lay claim to Sam's 'Godgiven land which his great grandfather stole off of the 'Indians' his-self personal like'" about the looming prospect of friendship with the old cold enemy farmer Rutin to fight against a new common dastardly dratted dreaded evil enemy ... El Banditos!!! He looks at the sign outside the saloon 'No Farmers Allowed' and says quietly 'Farmers may shoot banditos but that aint no good reason to stop shooting farmers now is it dudes hehehe mad cackle'!
Uncle Sam 'Az done n gone n got izself started e az' he says to himself in Texas-speak rhen loudly adds: 'I am gonna lynch that murderous bastard just like I lynched the other 2 goddamn (sheriffs of the 2 nearby towns) murderous mutants... Damnedascus might end up run by the slaughtering banditos just like Dodgybad and Trippedlessness did when we lynched their murderous mutant sheriffs and many more will die but I don't give a good goddamn coz back then he knew that he was killing friends of mine so he should now know that he is the walking dead ... This here is lynching country not scalping country and I am gonna keep it that way even if I am the last man jack left standing' ... This gets a large response of 'Yeehaw yippee-i-o-kiy-yea' etc and they drink a lot of whisky whilst wondering how to lynch the sheriff of Damnedascus without leaving any evidence coz ...
Uncle Sam 'Az done n gone n got izself started e az' he says to himself in Texas-speak rhen loudly adds: 'I am gonna lynch that murderous bastard just like I lynched the other 2 goddamn (sheriffs of the 2 nearby towns) murderous mutants... Damnedascus might end up run by the slaughtering banditos just like Dodgybad and Trippedlessness did when we lynched their murderous mutant sheriffs and many more will die but I don't give a good goddamn coz back then he knew that he was killing friends of mine so he should now know that he is the walking dead ... This here is lynching country not scalping country and I am gonna keep it that way even if I am the last man jack left standing' ... This gets a large response of 'Yeehaw yippee-i-o-kiy-yea' etc and they drink a lot of whisky whilst wondering how to lynch the sheriff of Damnedascus without leaving any evidence coz ...
Uncle Sam has been waging a very slow war of attrition on Sheriff Abadguy of Damnedascus by just taking pot shots at the banditos occasionally whilst praying that the banditos get to the sheriff b4 the citizens demand that Uncle Sam lynch the banditos and actually finish the murderous mutants off which he doesn't want to do just yet coz ...
The Eastern Farmers Union have noticed what the western lynching ranchers n cowboys r up to! They r none too sure about the sheriffs past but they know that any sheriff is better than a dead sheriff and and know that if they wait for Uncle Sam to stop sulking slowly then the sheriff will be dead and uncle Sam will own everything once the slaughtering banditos have moved in and killed everyone in Damndedascus starting with women and children so ...
When Sheriff Abadguy invites the farmers union to defend Damndedascus from chaos and annihilation by really attacking El banditos rather than waiting for Uncle Sam who is just taking potshots at El banditos and waiting for them to lynch the sheriff they respond so effectively on a budget of ploughshares and bread that they embarrass getting nowhere loads of lolly Uncle Sam into obeying the law briefly coz ...
Everyone is starting to work out that Uncle Sam really doesn't mind everybody being killed slowly as long as he owns everything in the end!?
... The End but hopefully not for everyone!
Tune in next week for the next episode of the Siege of Damnedascus ... Will uncle Sam lynch Sheriff Abadguy ... Will the farmers union arrest Uncle Sam with the help of the cowardly UN-Rangers ... Can the farmers union finish off El banditos on their own while the ranchers n gunslingers polish their guns or will everyone eventually lynch everyone ... Who knows who cares who can tell? ...um!
BTW 'Damndedascus' is half Damascus and half Tombstone, 'Dodgybad' is half Dodge half Baghdad and 'Trippedlessness' is mostly Tripoli ... And any correlation between this fictional cowboy story and the sad reality in Syria, Iraq and Libya is purely farcical but entirely not funny coz the 'joke' is at our expense! :) :(
Episode 2: Uncle Sam came up with his I wannabe a mad senator plan: if we kill sheriff abadguy the farmers union wil unite and rise against us for leaving Damnedascus defenceless so instead let's just stay in 'the mainstream media saloon' for 6 months chatting bull about stopping the main terrorist banditots but meanwhile let's arm any random banditos who hates the main el'banditis and also hates sheriff abadguy then call them moderates and send them after that doggone sheriff! Motto: 'Whilst we wash our hands in here those fanatics can do the dirty work now then when sheriff abadguy is gone we can move in and carve up that town on humitarin grounds hehe mad cackle'
However after 5 months El'Banditos aka Da-esh are herded very skillfully by Rutin the super herder and leader of thr eastern farmers union and friends into an honourable ceasefire with potential for genuine diplomatic negotiation and not involving turning Damnedascus into a ghost town ...
Uncle Sams surprisingly racist reaction to the good news of this ceasefire in the siege of Damnedascus was something like ' The only diplomatic savage is a dead savage! And WTF?' He then got back to drinking a pecuiliar mix of whiskey and Damnedascus oil in 'the mainstream media saloon' muttering 'bubble bubble oil and trouble' mostly to himself! :)
Episode 3: how dare we be such scum that we would kill everyone for energy
