Attack of the Morons!

First they try to kill the hand that's feeding them but then they realise that they might be arrested if their moronic coppers ever find them after their exercise in little Math!

So then they try to eat the hand that's just stopped feeding them whilst wondering why the hand has abandoned them despairingly! But the moronic copters realize that this is 'merely a civil matter'!

Then they call all available officials and start talking politically correct Orwellian doublespeak whilst accusing the hand of deliberately starving them!

Obviously this has nothing to do with my life in the United Flingdom and is merely an exercise in farcical unbelievable shite! Col

Doktah Oot sez: Anyone for leeches today?

And unfortunately in this sadly un updated 21st century almost everyone responds yes please!

In the 15th century holistic medicine got labeled as witchcraft and Chinese/Indian mumbo jumbo and now we have dangerous surgeons everywhere specialising in chopping different bits of me off and I say no thanks!

As I lie here in bed in short term agony after I just woke up very early due to pain this lot happens:

1. My eyelids turn inside out then my jaw clicks agonisingly!

2. My jaw then clicks repeatedly in decreasing levels of agony!

3. Then my right shoulder clicks agonisingly!

4. My right shoulder then clicks repeatedly in decreasing levels of agony while I pull strange faces aka 'kundalini grimacing'!

5. Then both my hips click agonisingly!

6. I then can sorta sit up and do some hip waggling exercises!

7. Then Lazarus here can at last arise and get outta bed and go do a peculiar mix of googled yoga and tai chi and prescribed physiotherapy exercises!

8. Then after 2 hours of 'mumbo jumbo' I can limp patiently and despairingly towards the army of surgeons waiting to chop bits off of me ...

ENT Surgeon ... No thanks!
Maxillofacial Surgeon ... No thanks!
Orthopaedic Surgeon ... No thanks!
Etc etc et sadly compartmentalised cetra!

This phoenix will arise outta his own ashes provided this lot r kept away!

Meanwhile it's quite sad to c my physiotherapist who should know better shrug his shoulders patiently when I mention that I wish I had read the Bhagavad-Gita etc b4 I messed with my chakras instead of starting with Crowley+Leary+Wilson etc!

I say he should know better coz he is of Hindu origin and they understood this stuff 10,000 years ago!

Conclusion: Progress is not always forwards!

Racist twats r everywhere eh innit mr blighter!?

The many local fakers r very good at the 'I iz a victim I iz ... so lets ukipper this old git' rap:

I iz black (or any shade of brown) and playing the racist card I iz ... lol,
I is a girlie-grill I iz so I is playing the sexist card I iz ... lol,
I iz underage I iz so let's chase this old git around the road at pub closing time playing the paedo card ... col ...

... Et cetera et cetera et go get a life cetera!

P.s. Pun intended above based on Enid Blyton and 'Anyone for more toffee but surely Fweddie prefers fwudge ... what ho?'  'Pwopah' English as she used to be spoken etc etc he he!

Flim flamming a scamster! :)

When very very bored Skype scamsters r very very funny indeed ... So plz c the funniest one yet below and BTW 100% of this persions story is bull and about 50% of mine is utter horseshit just to confuse the usual Ghanaian: 


[06/05/2015 23:27:24] *** Gaddafi Ayesha would like to add you on Skype

I cannot talk to you on phone as conversations are being closely monitored by the NSA, ICC and the UN officials who are constantly keeping close at me Therefore if you are capable of running an establishment and can maintain the high level of Secrecy required in this project, kindly respond
to my personal I am writing this mail with tears and sorrow from my heart asking for your help at this time, I got your contact via internet searching for a trustworthy person who will understand my present conditions and come to my rescue here in Oman . I have passed through pains and sorrowful moment since the death of my father Muhammad Abu Minyar Gaddafi and brothers, all our Foreign and local accounts have been blocked by the western countries and we are not allowed to make transfer or receive money from any country or source.i know you would be surprised to read from someone relatively unknown to you.  I am Dr.ms Ayesha Muammar Al-Gaddafi, former Goodwill Ambassador of the U.N. and the daughter of late Muammar Al-Gaddafi the late president of Libya. I am currently residing in Qurum Oman, unfortunately as a refugee. At the meantime, my family is at risk and pains. 95% of our investments and bank accounts in several countries are freeze.I have been commissioned to contact an interested foreign investor/partner who will be able to take absolute control of part of the vast cash available to private account for a possible investment in your country.If this transaction interests you, you don’t have to disclose it to anybody because of what is going with my entire family, if the western nation happens to know this account, they will Freezing it as they froze others so keep this transaction for yourself only until we finalize this transaction that will be when the fund is transferred into your account. I want to transfer this money into your account immediately for onward investment in your country.I received an urgent email from the bank abroad that both their government and new Libya government are tracing hidden deposit and assets deposited by my family, I don't want them to be aware of this particular fund (11.3million) I deposited abroad. If you can be of any assistant to me kindly get back to me so that i can furnish you with the deposit details for verification and confirmation. I am willing to reward you bountiful 25% of the total sum of US$11.3 Million ***
[16/05/2015 12:25:05] Josh O'Sullivan O'Sullivan: (bandit)
[11/06/2015 18:31:53] Josh O'Sullivan O'Sullivan: do u accept uk bank details? or ... et tu (bandit) ? :)
[11/06/2015 18:44:09] Josh O'Sullivan O'Sullivan: ... or just keep the money and build a luxury drone proof bunker maybe!? :)
[11/06/2015 18:46:35] Josh O'Sullivan O'Sullivan: p.s. i understand that sadly there is no government in Libya now ... just a gang of fundamentalists in baraclavas! :) :(
[11/06/2015 18:47:11] Josh O'Sullivan O'Sullivan: salaam alaikum and bfn
[11/06/2015 18:47:22] *** Josh O'Sullivan O'Sullivan has shared contact details with kizmusadrienn02. ***
[13/06/2015 17:15:26] Gaddafi Ayesha: Salam alaikum
[13/06/2015 17:17:40] Josh O'Sullivan O'Sullivan: Alaikum salaam!
[13/06/2015 17:22:30] Gaddafi Ayesha: Sir i want you to help me retrieve my trunk boxes in a security company U.K been deposited by my late uncle.
[13/06/2015 17:23:50] Josh O'Sullivan O'Sullivan: Soz i am disabled so of little use other than advice!
[13/06/2015 17:24:45] Gaddafi Ayesha: i don't seem to understand you
[13/06/2015 17:25:18] Josh O'Sullivan O'Sullivan: I have only a bicycle and a wheelchair!
[13/06/2015 17:26:42] Josh O'Sullivan O'Sullivan: The uk police broke my back so am taking them to the eu court of human rights b4 the fascists scrap the human rights act as planned asap!
[13/06/2015 17:27:28] Gaddafi Ayesha: Am so so sorry ok.
[13/06/2015 17:29:07] Josh O'Sullivan O'Sullivan: I luckily am not paralysed but can no longer walk! So can advise as used to be an information analyst for ibm itt amex etc etc ... they have savaged the wrong smartarse so read the uk.guardian paper for full expose soon! Meanwhile how can I advise u plz?
[13/06/2015 17:30:27] Gaddafi Ayesha: i don't know
[13/06/2015 17:30:38] Josh O'Sullivan O'Sullivan: I was in a protest about gaza when they did this ... shame be upon them!
[13/06/2015 17:31:24] Josh O'Sullivan O'Sullivan: Logistics expertiese required?
[13/06/2015 17:32:08] Josh O'Sullivan O'Sullivan: Weight and size of items to be relocated from where to where plz?
[13/06/2015 17:32:41] Josh O'Sullivan O'Sullivan: Analyzing takes my mind of the pain thx
[13/06/2015 17:32:46] Josh O'Sullivan O'Sullivan: Off
[13/06/2015 17:33:00] Gaddafi Ayesha: No sir all you have to do is to help contact the security company and you tell the security company that am the one that send you.
[13/06/2015 17:34:39] Gaddafi Ayesha:  for the sizes and the weight i don't know it was uncle that deposited the 2 trunk boxes before he was assinated, the fund was fund in one of my father old mansion in france, but my uncle deposited everything in my name
[13/06/2015 17:34:51] Josh O'Sullivan O'Sullivan: If u have the phone number why do u need me? If mobile phone networks have been savaged by islamic.state.wtf then use a satellite phone!
[13/06/2015 17:35:42] Gaddafi Ayesha: Sir i believed you receive the email i send to you here on skype?
[13/06/2015 17:35:50] Gaddafi Ayesha: and you read it.
[13/06/2015 17:36:20] Josh O'Sullivan O'Sullivan: Ring and ask them for details! Helpdesk have to respond by uk law within 3 days!
[13/06/2015 17:36:23] Gaddafi Ayesha:  Am be capture as  a refugee in Oma Refugee camp
[13/06/2015 17:37:08] Josh O'Sullivan O'Sullivan: Google their skypeid then!
[13/06/2015 17:38:22] Josh O'Sullivan O'Sullivan: Then on receipt of the funds bribe your way outta detention! P.s. i am studying to become a buddhist monk so renounce worldly wealth thx
[13/06/2015 17:38:27] Gaddafi Ayesha: Sir there is no big deal here is just for you to sent the security company email concerning the 2 trunk boxes. you will tell them that am hidding that you wanna help to retrieve it.
[13/06/2015 17:38:49] Josh O'Sullivan O'Sullivan: Try gmail!
[13/06/2015 17:39:13] Gaddafi Ayesha: what gmail am a refugee what are talking about.
[13/06/2015 17:39:15] Gaddafi Ayesha: ?
[13/06/2015 17:39:59] Josh O'Sullivan O'Sullivan: U r on skype on what device? A smartphone I guess!
[13/06/2015 17:40:05] Gaddafi Ayesha: All i need is your help to help me retrieve it to your doorstep
[13/06/2015 17:40:07] Josh O'Sullivan O'Sullivan: Use that!
[13/06/2015 17:40:31] Gaddafi Ayesha: Am using an old dell desktop here.
[13/06/2015 17:40:38] Josh O'Sullivan O'Sullivan: I dont want it coz am a true believer in the buddha thx kindly
[13/06/2015 17:41:03] Josh O'Sullivan O'Sullivan: Cool ... perfect for gmail in any old browser!
[13/06/2015 17:41:51] Josh O'Sullivan O'Sullivan: I am an ex geek becoming a monk and require only a prayer mat mostly these days soz
[13/06/2015 17:42:30] Gaddafi Ayesha:  Sir the truth is that the security company will charge for the boxes, am a refugee i have no fund that's why am looking for a trust worthy person who can assist me, and i also promise to give to the person 25% from it, if you read and understand the email i send to you here on skype you understand
[13/06/2015 17:43:02] Gaddafi Ayesha: that got nothing to do with what am asking you to do for me
[13/06/2015 17:43:31] Josh O'Sullivan O'Sullivan: I hate money soz, i now exist only on charitable donations soz
[13/06/2015 17:44:11] Josh O'Sullivan O'Sullivan: Try the the red crescent charity praise be upon them
[13/06/2015 17:45:07] Gaddafi Ayesha: ok sir foget about it, i will look for someone to help and almighty Allah will help me,no condition is permanent,
[13/06/2015 17:45:47] Josh O'Sullivan O'Sullivan: If i fall from nirvana i will find u, all the best
[13/06/2015 17:46:37] Josh O'Sullivan O'Sullivan: Allah=jehovah=brahmin praise be upon them all
[13/06/2015 17:46:39] Gaddafi Ayesha: goodbye
[13/06/2015 17:46:45] Josh O'Sullivan O'Sullivan: Bfn
[13/06/2015 17:47:23] Gaddafi Ayesha: don't write me again ok
[13/06/2015 17:49:20] Josh O'Sullivan O'Sullivan: I intended no offence but goodbye and good luck then
[13/06/2015 17:49:35] Gaddafi Ayesha: bye


... I was tempted to add  'Dont forget u called me so no I will not be text pestering u ROFLMAO!'! LOL